Never Knowing!!

Today I woke up feeling pretty good.. I went & got weighed today and lost 5lbs. then went and talked to a friend and got some things out.. I went to target and got some stuff for my Lia Sophia stuff.. Then I went to Micheal's to get you a pumkin to decorate.. I start to go through looking at all the stuff  and found you the perfect one, made just for you.. I then starting looking around more and see that they have their christmas stuff out.. I walk by all these tiny ornaments and just break down right there in the middle of the store with people looking at me.. I didnt care cuz that very moment I realized that all I get to buy you is lawn ornaments and little things to decorate your grave with, when all I want to do is hold you and taking you shopping with me and buy you cute clothes and toys..BUT NOOOO I dont get to do that and its just not fair..

I finshed getting everything I needed and left and as I was driving back to work I felt my heart crumbling and aching and broke down again in the car.. I cant understand why your time on earth was so short.. but I know one thing the few mins. I got to spend with you, you touched my heart in away that words could never explain.. I never knew that I could Love someone as much as I love you... From the moment I layed eyes on you I was filled with so much joy and love that it over took me and within mins my happiness was takin from me and I dont understand it one bit...

I got back to work and cleaned myself up and did what I had to do... When I finished I went to Zumba and when it was finished my instructor looked at me and ask if I had found you a pumpkin yet cuz if not she was going to go and find one... I cant explain how much it means to know that some people do pay attention and care enough about me and you that they were going to take time out of their day to go and get you something that I couldnt find.. I truely do have people in my life that I just apperciate more than they will ever know...

I just never know how my day is going to end up I wake up feeling like I am going to be ok and then I lose it..Other days I wake up in a mood and not wanting to get out of bed and then something good happens like someone saying or doing something or even just a thought of you that just makes me smile and then im ok.. I just Never Know.. But I do know one thing is for sure I love you more and miss you more and more with each passing day.

I am back home with your Daddy now and think I am going to finish your fall stuff and bring it to you tomorrow.. Until then my sweetness Always on my mind and Always in my Heart forever Mommy Loves you Baby Girl  *NFP*