My Angel

My Angel
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Monday, October 18, 2010

All For You (Oct. 15th 2010)

Well had a really good weekend Friday was Oct. 15th 2010 which is also Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness Day.  So I found this out 3weeks before the date and realized that there wasnt anything around the area and wanted to be apart of the movement. So I posted that I was doing a walk at the Wave Pool Park and would love to have an awsome turn out and that anyone was welcome. I wanted to do it in the evening and I had to change it a little over a week before due to the fact that the trail that I was going to use was going to be closed that eve. When I put the Info. on facebook and made annoucement at church and work, I started to see a chain reaction of other mommys coming together and being there for one another. I met alot of people in a short amount of time and realized there are alot of women I knew and didnt know that they had lost.

I posted this on a tue. that thur. I got a message from a mom saying that I need to give her a call. I called and she wanted to be apart and had already made calls and asking people for help.  I was shocked to see people wanting to help when we werent an organinzation. Also a friend of mine donated things and called the mayor of Hurricane West Virginia to see if he would like to be there and be apart of this. When she called me back he had called her and was so excited that hurricane was going to be apart of this and wanted to be there but was out of town and hoped that we would have this special event in hurricane every year and if we make this an organization/foundation that he would help. How amazing the people that pulled together in a short amount of time.

So the day had come and we had a 100 bottles of  water donated, two different places donate helium and balloons, a place donated 20 cups of coffee and then we went and bought muffins and donouts for everyone. Then I got a call from a mom that helped me telling me that a lady wanted to help and gave us a hundred dollars and that she called and got the news to come two days before.. How awsome is God that he brings the right person in your Life at the right time.

We had around 30 people come and support us which was amazing due to the short notice. When everyone arrived we started out by thanking everyone for coming out and supporting all the mommys that had lost and remembering all the Babies that were lost to soon.. Then my dad said a prayer to start things off then I started the walk. We walked a mile and when we came to the last lap the news man was at the top of the hill filming.

After we were done walking I had everyone come and sign the balloons and write a message to the babies if they wanted. The news man did some interviews then we did the release.. I pulled my car up and we played the Amazing Grace song that I had played at Nevaeh's service. For those of you who dont know that song is our song, I dont know why but when I was pregnant with her I use to go around and sing that song to her all the time, so it means alot to me.. I had my dad pray one more time before we let the balloons go. I looked and said 1 2 3 Now and everyone let go. We stood there watching and there was a cloud that was in the shape of a butterfly that the balloons were going towards. I went to get my camera and when I turned around it changed into a heart. It was so amazing and beautiful. Just when I think I am alone she gives me a sign... I just turned to the mom that helped me and hugged her so tight.  Even though it was a tough day it was a good day to remember our babies together and be there for one another. After we were done we cleaned up and took pics and just talked.

After we left I went and bought two candles to make for Nevaeh and my aunts baby that had passed (Tera). I went home and personalized them and took pics. We all met at my aunts house at 5:30 p.m. and went to were tera is buried and said a prayer and she lit her candle and we just stood there for a bit remembering and telling stories. Then we packed up and went to Nevaeh. I had bought 5 balloons for me and Brandon to release together since he missed the walk and other balloon release due to work since we had to have it in the morning. We got there and signed our balloons wrote our message to her and daddy said his final prayer for the day. We released our balloons and then it was seven o'clock which started the Wave of Light when everyone was suppose to light candles to remember the angel babies. It was so emotional and beautiful at the same time. My whole family was there and they all lit candles as well. We took pics and stood staring at her candle with tears in my eyes I look up the sky and the moon went behind a cloud and when it did a big F appeared in the cloud of course I didnt have my camera again but everyone saw it and again I took it as a sign from my baby girl telling me mommy I am here with you and I see you. With tears running down my face I look back up to the sky and smile saying I love you Nevaeh.. So happy that so many people came together sharing this special day with me and the other mommys. I also have to give God Praise and Glory for all that he did and for blessing me with such wonderful family and friends. I Love you all dearly.

So excited that everything went well and that I have people coming to me wanting and encouraging me to start a chapter here in west virginia and have started getting the info that I need. Cant wait to see how awsome and bigger next year will be and hope to get others involved.

How awsome to be part of getting an Awareness out and Letting people be apart of remembering our babies.. Thank you again to everyone for wanting to be apart of this amazing move and bringing mothers together letting one another know that we are here for one another and that we can and will remember the babies together.

It was a draining, emotional, sad, happy day.. But at the end of it I was so glad to say that what got me through was knowing that I was doing it for my baby girl and to help others. I have received calls saying that it had helped some mommys that were ready to give up and that it meant alot to them and for that I am so honored to be apart of something so wonderful. Not to mention I enjoy doing what ever I can that involves my baby girl. Last but not least I just want to thank All the BLM's that included Nevaeh in things that they did it means more to me than I could ever say in words. God Bless each and everyone of you and your all always in my thoughts and prayers.


Always on my mind and 4-ever in my Heart I love you  Nevaeh Faith Park...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Not Sure!!

Well its been awhile since I have been on here and alot has been going on. I did a stand against abortion on sunday and as I stood there thinking and praying to myself I stopped and a thought went through my head, here I am fighting and hurting wanting my baby back so bad that I would give my life for just one more minute with her and then here you have people wanting to get rid of their children and killing them how unfair this world truely is. I just dont know what to even say just not sure at all because all the things that keep running through my head are not nice in the least bit.

On another note that morning while getting ready for church I came across this purple cover up (cami or jacket) that I use to wear while I was pregnant with Nevaeh. I loved it so much, so I decided to wear it to feel close to her (purple is her color). Anyways so I get to church we are doin praise and worship and havin a great time with God praising him giving thanks and as soon as I start to pray about Nevaeh the very last song we sing is Amazing Grace.. For those of you who dont know why that just about brought me to my knees is because my whole pregnancy I always sang that song to her never really knew why it just came to me one day in the shower I was holding my belly talking to her and then starting singing so after that day I sang that to her at least once a day. I look at it as it is our song.. I had it played at her service by a friend that has an amazing voice and what an awsome way to honor her. So when I hear that song it tears my heart out. Anyways as I am standing there I start praying to God to please take good care of her (as I know he will) but to also give her a big hug and kiss for me and her daddy and tell her we love her and then the song starts. This is not a song we sing that often at church. I felt my whole inside just drop. Just when I start to feel that I am just going to give up and that I cant do it anymore its like I get a sign from her saying I am here mommy and I hear you and I love you also.

I know it may seem so crazy to others but let me tell you how much better it makes me feel to know that she is still around I may not get to see her or hold her but I know in my heart she is with me every day and I just pray that I make her proud of me and her daddy. If I have to go through this world without her, I am going to do my best to make sure she is never forgotten and that I can do my best to be the best mommy to her in all the ways that I can.

I Love you Nevaeh Faith Park always on my mind and always in my heart Love Mommy  <3