For you

I sit back and watch others and wonder why they are going to get to have their families and I couldnt have mine.. Did I do something so wrong that I am being punished.. I know that God doesnt really work that way, but I have to tell you baby girl I feel like that is whats going on. I sit and think everyday what could have done that was so awful that could have taken you away from me and your daddy.. I wish that there was away I could go back and take it all back and do things different.. I would protect you more from people who should not have touched me.. I am so so sorry that I picked that hospital and those dr.'s if I could have saved you or even give my life for yours I would in a heart beat. I am so sorry baby girl oh how I am so sorry. I love you with every fiber of my being...

I went and changed your flowers today with daddy and we made you a pumpkin and put it with your flowers, it was so pretty baby girl and I hope that you are smiling from above.  Its moments like that make me smile doing things for you and then I think of how I want to be doin so much more and my heart just aches and aches all over again.. All I think of is you and all I want to do is to do things for you every sec of every day..

I try to go through my days like everything is fine when it really isnt.. I dont like acting like I am ok and put a smile on my face, when all I want to do is just lay in bed and think of you and how you felt when I held you in my arms..

I wanna know WHY you were taken from US!!!  I wanna know how I am suppose to go on with life without you.. It doesnt feel right and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.. Without you my life seems so meaningless.. I know in my heart that you are with me and that puts a smile on my face.. Until next time I love and miss you baby girl... Always on my mind and Always in my Heart love MOMMY