Not Sure!!

Well its been awhile since I have been on here and alot has been going on. I did a stand against abortion on sunday and as I stood there thinking and praying to myself I stopped and a thought went through my head, here I am fighting and hurting wanting my baby back so bad that I would give my life for just one more minute with her and then here you have people wanting to get rid of their children and killing them how unfair this world truely is. I just dont know what to even say just not sure at all because all the things that keep running through my head are not nice in the least bit.

On another note that morning while getting ready for church I came across this purple cover up (cami or jacket) that I use to wear while I was pregnant with Nevaeh. I loved it so much, so I decided to wear it to feel close to her (purple is her color). Anyways so I get to church we are doin praise and worship and havin a great time with God praising him giving thanks and as soon as I start to pray about Nevaeh the very last song we sing is Amazing Grace.. For those of you who dont know why that just about brought me to my knees is because my whole pregnancy I always sang that song to her never really knew why it just came to me one day in the shower I was holding my belly talking to her and then starting singing so after that day I sang that to her at least once a day. I look at it as it is our song.. I had it played at her service by a friend that has an amazing voice and what an awsome way to honor her. So when I hear that song it tears my heart out. Anyways as I am standing there I start praying to God to please take good care of her (as I know he will) but to also give her a big hug and kiss for me and her daddy and tell her we love her and then the song starts. This is not a song we sing that often at church. I felt my whole inside just drop. Just when I start to feel that I am just going to give up and that I cant do it anymore its like I get a sign from her saying I am here mommy and I hear you and I love you also.

I know it may seem so crazy to others but let me tell you how much better it makes me feel to know that she is still around I may not get to see her or hold her but I know in my heart she is with me every day and I just pray that I make her proud of me and her daddy. If I have to go through this world without her, I am going to do my best to make sure she is never forgotten and that I can do my best to be the best mommy to her in all the ways that I can.

I Love you Nevaeh Faith Park always on my mind and always in my heart Love Mommy  <3